I didn’t realise it had been a whole 10 days since I wrote in here. I guess this is here when I need it, but if I don’t need it, that’s ok too. No pressure to write.

Well it’s been a really busy couple of weeks at work, quite stressful but exciting at the same time, with the culmination of a big project. Surprisingly there have been no major sleep problems, and no major palpitation episodes. Maybe there is something in this cutting out caffeine that the doctor recommended. Or maybe the mindfulness is helping. I’m not sure. I have had several days of living with that permanent anxious feeling through my whole body but no palpitations to speak of. Yesterday once the launch was done I felt awful – really exhausted, down and zoned out. I guess that is what happens when you are living on adrenaline for several days and then it stops.

I’ve gone back to one pillow for sleeping but I’m using a thicker one than I was before. I haven’t woke up in severe pain now for a while. I still have the neck pain along with the back/leg, but it’s more under control.

Mostly at the moment, I’m just tired out. I’ve had a few down days too which is probably related to being tired. Social anxiety is high too. I’ve missed lunch hours for several days because of what’s been going on at work and then when I was able to have lunch everywhere seemed to loud and too full of people so I ate lunch in my car, where I could just be quiet and calm. Seems silly but if it works, it works.

Sometimes I wish I fitted better into this world. Sometimes I’m happy to be me. Ups and downs.

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